Classics: Rituals as regulation

9 Jul

Daily rituals and beautiful objets to help us self-regulate through these transformative years

My personal style doesn’t necessitate a strict formula. It hinges on self-knowledge and my keenly developed eye. But one thing always has to remain true each day: something always has to be undone. And that something is typically my hair.

Pre-pregnancy, my hair was typically that of a white Northern European woman: fine in texture, naturally wavy, dense, could never hold a curl. I haven’t dyed my hair in more than 20yrs so this is its most genuine texture. I also naturally have oily skin, which means oily scalp, which means I wash my hair every day. I’ve tried many times to break the cycle, I simply can’t. The feeling of oily roots, for me it’s unbearable.

I’ve cycled through the same 5 haircuts my entire life. The last 10yrs has been either blunt bob with fringe, or longer lengths with fringe. The best way I discovered to get tousled, undone hair was wash it each day, blow dry my fringe and roots, leave the rest to air dry. Brushing my hair was never part of the routine. In fact its absence was more important to achieving my effortless style than its inclusion.

That however changed postpartum. During my pregnancy, my hair did get thicker, shinier, and it grew at rapid pace. And of course I then experienced postpartum hair loss, losing most of the additional volume I had gained throughout my crown, but also deepening my hairline. This was the catalyst for my first disrupted ritual to help regulate my changed body: collagen. Daily collagen coffees are now non-negotiable. The morning coffee ritual elevated, simple and efficient. The hairline slowly growing back, my skin more supple, my joints more elastic.

A second wave of change hit me 2yrs ago. We were flying home from Tenerife, my 18month old on my lap when I had my first set of hot flashes. I was 39. At first I was suspicious it was my baby acting as a hot water but once he was passed to my husband and the waves of heat and discomfort continued to rush through me, I dreaded that perimenopause had started. I spoke to my mum the next day who said her symptoms also started at 39. Brilliant.

Glenn Lyons, clinical director at Philip Kingsley, says: “Due to the decline in both estrogen and testosterone levels in the perimenopause and menopause stages, it is common for scalp hair texture to become drier.”

Perimenopause has drastically changed the texture, fullness and knottiness of my hair. It’s changed my skin, my body, my self-regulation. Last year in particular was bruising, especially as it was incremental. 2026 for me has been an incredible year to reset and regulate, through knowledge, lived experience and transformed rituals.

One of the most curious investments I’ve made so far in my perimenopause regulation is a hairbrush. My hair, now much drier, can tangle and knot in a light breeze. So unbrushed hair no longer aligned to my effortless modern style. I looked deshevelled, and felt that way too. A bad hair day can put you in a mood, because in the back of your mind, even though it’s petty and shallow, you continue to think about it, agonise over it. And maybe it’s not actually your hair but a projection about your loss of autonomy over your body, the loss of you used to present yourself which is irrevocable now. And that adjusts your body language, your temperament.

As someone who barely brushed her hair over the past 10yrs, investing in La Bonne Brosse can seem excessive. But I truly believe in spending your money on the things you use each day, your rituals, your self-care. I used the quiz on their site and opted for the No2 brush. It’s a mixture of boar and nylon bristles. And not only is La Bonne Brosse functional, it’s a beautiful l’objet on your vanity. A tool that evokes beauty and supports yours.

The first time I brushed my hair I genuinely had a transcendental experience. It felt just like my grandmother brushing my hair when I was a child using her boar hair bristle round brush. The rough bristles on your scalp, then softly skimming through the rest of your lengths. It was incredibly evocative. A beautiful daily ritual to regulate and remember who I was, and who I have become.